The Evils of the 'Net

A couple of weeks ago I came to a crossroads on whether or not to continue entertaining you with my useless information, horrific lies, and my unfunny humor.  This led me down a path of saying to myself whether I felt it necessary to write to the few of you who keep up with my shenanigans.  Just when I got to that point, I had one of you loyal fans comment on enjoying certain portions of it and within days I found out some of you actually do waste your time reading this and for that the show must go on!

It was brought to my attention however that some of you felt a little threatened and may need to make an anti-blog to mine.  I have to laugh to the thought of going this far to outdo my randomness, but if you really feel the need go right ahead.  For my faithful cubies who are unaware of this battle for the changing of the guard, but I will point out after they read a few of the entries these "gentlemen" have well-received my viewpoints.  Expect to see comments at the bottom in the future.  Just saying.  

I had two blogs in mind to write one was a rather particular incident that occurred last week which I will say may have trumped any experience I have had before including this one.  Normally, I would have no problem discussing any topic with my faithful readers, but after discussing it with my friend we determined for superstitious reasons (or maybe fear of backlash) it would not be wise to discuss.  Not saying I am superstitious because I am not really but I have no intentions of jinxing myself or changing my fortunes in any way.  Let's just say I am keeping an eye on the situation.  Still wondering what I am referring to, just ask me individually and I will tell you the gist.  

Unquestionably we live in a world that is constantly relying on the internet.  I for one am not a super huge fan, but let's face it, I work for a tech company and like it or not I better know what I am doing.  It's the way things are and we heavily rely on computers.  I for one can't say I am a wiz at computers, and am more likely to have this happen on a daily basis.  Not saying I screw up my TPS reports or anything, but I do the basics and that's all I am asked to do (remember I am a business minded guy).  Now I still do my streaking (no pun intended) because I want to win a million dollars (face it who doesn't), and I like the other millions of people have to check my facebook page multiple times a day.  Now I will be the first to admit that I have no explanation as to why I check it more than once because a) I never really update what I am doing very often b) unless you post something to me first, chances are I won't write on your wall (feel special if I do if it's not trash talk) and c) I don't use any applications besides posting pictures.  One might ask why don't you just make a myspace page or something instead and I honestly have no answer to that other than when myspace came out there were all the child pedifiers (spelling?) trying to chat with young children and yea I am not sure why.  Anyways, facebook is what I use and I apologize if I don't send you something for your garden or buy you a drink on there.  Not my style never will be.

I have mentioned before and I am to lazy to go find it to link but you can go back and read it that there are not many blogs I follow but I do follow Mark Titus' blog.   If you don't know who he is nor do you care he is this guy who never plays for Ohio State's basketball team and writes about life riding the pine.  Well, as of today which I must say had me laughing pretty hard was that Mr. Titus announced in a previous entry that he was entering the NBA draft as a joke.  If you follow his blog you know its a joke, but today I come to find out on his blog he was asked by the Athletic Director to take his name out because the NBA had called and told him he should not enter.  This is the first time I have ever heard of this and I will be honest most of the stuff he writes I find hard to believe.  Then this popped up, and I had to read it twice.  Until it appears on Yahoo news I don't find it factual.  Well this article did and now I believe it.  Say what you will, the NBA has lost all credibility with me because they now focus their attention on keeping guys who never play to declare for the draft than the other millions of problems they currently face.

Bottom Line:  If the benchwarmer wants to ride the pine on the next level, let him ride.

Like it or not he's in!

KylesBottomLine

The Sig

Do you ever find yourself sitting around and having random conversations with your friends?  This is a pretty consistent thing for our friends to do and most of the time the conversations end with us making fun of one another.  I recently had one of these topics of discussions with one of our die hard readers (all 3 of you), and needless to say this random conversation was no let down.  

Many of you have seen Slumdog Millionaire and if you haven't well get with it.  Pretty great movie and I am probably one of the biggest critics of movies considering my current Netflix Queue has over 175 movies to watch and I've rated about 300 roughly so far.  Big movie fan or to much time on my hands, you decide.  Anyways, for those of you who have seen Slumdog are very familiar with the infamous bathroom scene.  And if you aren't well you are now.  Pretty disgusting I know, but you have to admit it was crucial to the movie and probably one of my favorite scenes in a movie of all time besides well you know.  The bathroom scene led my friend and I into this random discussion about what would make you jump into a pile of crap for.  I of course said I could see money being involved and I am pretty sure I wouldn't do it for under a million.  And yes I am aware there are other things you would do for a million dollars.  

I of course look at this as an opportunity to put our diehard reader in a tough spot to corner him into saying he wouldn't jump in for his girlfriend just because.  He of course responds with 'depends on the circumstance' which just really opens the door for me to say just about anything.  I continue to pester him about the situation and he begins to get a little more detailed by saying, "if it were a life or death situation."  I of course don't buy that and throw out different scenarios  all of which he laughs and refuses to really respond  (my personal favorite was if she fell in and the crap was on fire).  

Now that I have him really uncomfortable and he proceeds to tell me another movie in which a bag of flaming crap was shot in a scene (which I can no longer remember therefore was not added), I decided I have punished him enough and would change the topic to the point of jumping in a pile of crap.  I guess you could say he proves he actually cares a lot for this one and since we aren't very sentimental on this blog, I will just say to his girlfriend to not fall because he won't actually save you despite what he says.  The point of all this is the boy was willing to sacrifice everything especially his smell for the next several months for an autograph.  We then began discussing what autographs we have among one another (my Federer autograph still trumps Coach K's hands down), but truly neither of us had any worth noting.  I then tried to point out people do crazy things and I would bet people would do something even crazier for an autograph from someone famous.

I know for example we used to tell the guy who worked in the bar that famous people would be coming the following day at the golf course and he would bring in memorabilia to have signed only to find that we just changed names around of someone not so famous.  I would like to open this up to try to finally get some conversation going with my readers to discuss funny moments or encounters we have had to get an autograph.  Many of us have done it don't lie.  Anyways, if you don't want to publicly post it, send it to kylesbottomline@yahoo.com and I will retell it and leave you unidentified.  Also, I want to get some new things going with the blog so I am adding a poll to try to get the website moving along.  Any other suggestions just let me know.

On one last side note, I keep hearing the phrase, "It's just the nature of the beast."  My man, Mark Titus said he is reinstating it, my boss has used it and XM radio keeps replaying an interview from Sheryl Crow repeating the line.  Someone please explain to me what that is and where the heck did it come from.

KylesBottomLine: If I could have one autograph, I would want it from Ron Livingston and it would have to simply say F'ing Eh.

Just sign the ball.

KylesBottomLine

Life after the B.B.'s and the Double D

It really is no secret that I am a huge Pittsburgh Pirates fan.  This comes to a surprise to many people who get to know me because let's face it, I was 9 the last time they had a winning season.  I was still coming into my own wearing my sweatsuit outfits (no embarrassing picture available) and going back and forth with my awesome pair of rec specs.  Besides trying to get out of elementary school, I concentrated on playing tee ball and trying to reenact plays from the Pirates games from the night before.

  Little did I know what I was watching would be my lasting memories of the Pirates having a winning season and making the postseason.  Led by a much smaller version of the first B.B. worth mentioning in a guy named Barry Bonds.  No question Mr. Bonds was quite the talent when he arrived in Pittsburgh and I will be the first to say I did not see the potential of him becoming the all-time leading home run leader.  But as history tells us, Barry Bonds would leave us, do a total transformation (make sure you compare the two pics), and our lead star was now another B.B. in Bobby Bonilla.  Not long after, Bobby B. hit the road and the Pirates organization failed to keep it together losing what was arguably one of our best pitchers in the last 20 years in Double D as well.  Not the Double D most of you are thinking (fan friendly website remember), but the other in Doug Drabek.  Not many ordinary guys can pull off the stache, but Doug Drabek was not what you call an ordinary guy.  

Most organizations usually bounce back from free agency, but the Pirates just like many of my favorite teams of the time (49ers post Joe Mo, and the Giants post LT) found a way to continually play what I guess you could call baseball and draft worse than the Detroit Lions of modern day.  This is truly an art to continue to be terrible and now that the Pirates share arguably the worst record in all of professional sports with none other than their hated rival Philadelphia Phillies.  I begin every spring watching opening day and hoping the curse of steroids in baseball will not haunt the minor league talented Pirates, but somehow I find myself finding other things to do by about the end of the May when the Pirates are officially out of the pennant race, and looking to trade anyone who might have any potential for cash considerations.  Just so the team owners stock can go up another quarter of a point (you know what I reference).  Will this be the year of the Pirates?  I'm not holding my breath.

As for what is going on with me because I know you are dying to know.  Well, I made the trifecta tour this weekend to Bucky, to Charleston, and back to Beckley in a 24 hour period.  I led the people I ate lunch with that I came all the way to Buckhannon to do two things and two things only.  To see the new Rite Aid and eat at the world famous CJ Maggies.  I was craving some mediocre food and that world famous super slow service.  Check and check.  Then I ventured down to the metropolis of Charleston to show off my Kevin James dance moves.  I definitely met my goal and I am sure those haunting pictures will follow with my name tagged on Facebook in the coming days.  Just another reason to love Facebook.  And speaking of websites, I have found a new website that I am becoming more infatuated with by the day.  Almost as much as I love my mentor on in Mark Titus, the website www.funnyordie.com.  If you haven't checked it out yet, you should.

Bottom Line: Could be the year the Pirates get over the hump.  Maybe.

Had a bad day?

KylesBottomLine

The Curse

For the avid sport's fan there were several things to look back on and reflect in the past two week's which are very exciting.  I of course come out of the woodworks to start following some of these sporting events such as the NBA for example because up to this point I pay absolutely no attention to what is going on other than the occasional Lebron James highlight reel.  Other than that I could not tell you hardly anything going on in the NBA because let's face it no one wants to watch Shaq go from doing this to doing this.  The playoffs are an entirely different story.  Another sport I begin to follow a little is hockey, but just like every other year I still couldn't tell you anything about hockey besides the Penguins have this guy named Sidney Crosby who I couldn't tell you what he looked like if he walked right past.  Now if it were Wayne Gretzky, I would say probably but either case I can't say I follow hockey any better than a SportsCenter Top 10 highlight.  Sorry, but it's just who I am.

I did claim in this post that March is my favorite because of the NCAA tournament and this year was absolutely no different.  Everyone wants to live for one shining moment and just as my brackets predicted along with what I preached all season long the tar heels pulled it out.  I don't want to brag because even though I finished second both on technicalities which I would prefer not go into further detail, but I never really had doubt that when it was all said and done UNC would be right in the mix.  I would like to address all of the bandwagon jumpers and those who tried to use the tar heels good fortune to profit for themselves you should at least suck it up and get yourselves one of these.  For the few individuals who I know will refuse to go this route at least do the right thing and email the me at kylesbottomline@yahoo.com and we will talk about my cut for promoting the tar heels year round and what would be a fair compensation for profiting off of my team.  It is only right so do the right thing.  

Another sporting event worth mentioning is the Masters.  For those of you who did not watch this live or have absolutely no knowledge of golf just take a few minutes to watch this and I promise you the next time you are flipping channels on a Sunday afternoon or wake up from your Sunday nap you should take a few minutes to watch Tiger Woods.  I know many people are not big fans of him, but unquestionably when the man plays golf, you will see something special.  I golf and I use to watch golf on a Sunday afternoon just to watch, but after Tiger came on tour, I am one of those many guilty fans who now only tune in when Tiger is in the hunt, and if not could care less about which white 20 something year old is trying to fight for second.  

One could argue that Tiger is the founder of the fist pump in sports, but I am still a strong believer that tennis has long been fist pumping and letting out a 'Come on!' long before T Woods was sinking putts.  We will save that conversation for another time.  I will point out I failed to let any fist pumps out this weekend from my golf trip to Pinehurst nor did I try to mimic this.

Some things are sacred and we should just leave it that way.  I will make an honorable mention to my new favorite course that I have played in Tobacco Road which you can check out at http://www.tobaccoroadgolf.com/.

KylesBottomLine:  A group in front of me had a hole in one and I had two shots within a foot of a hole in one myself.  Need I say more.

Why I watched golf before Tiger.

KylesBottomLine

Busted Brackets

I assume you are reading this still at this point you have either gotten so bored at work that you find yourself looking for any source of entertainment possible which means reading my blog or you tried leaving work early only to find your boss blocking the only exit of the building.  I bet it was the latter.  Anyways so here we are rambling about more nonsense.  I haven't been anywhere exciting since my last post and some who lost night after night of sleep tossing and turning knowing that Brittany Snow is no longer the love of my life.  Well I have great news!  I have gotten in touch with her and we are finally making plans to meet.  Oh come on, you walked right into that.  And it's April Fool's Day so I had to do some kind of prank.  

As for any other pranks, I failed to pull any off today.  Thought about it, but that takes effort just like updating my blog.  I blame most of my lack of updates due to lack of interesting things that have occurred in recent days.  The other part I blame is for my infatuation of the month of March and most importantly March Madness.  I enjoy this time not because the snow (no pun intended) begins to melt away, but because of moments like this.  I like millions of others fill out my brackets in hopes that I can cash out with a million dollars from websites like ESPN, but only to have my money go down the drain like a cinderella team.  Yet I continue to play each and every year hoping for that one shining moment.  

This year like so many others, I filled out my brackets and before this happened, I was tied on espn.com at 252.  Since I had already missed some other games, I would be unable to win a million dollars, but if I were to somehow win with my bracket on espn.com I could still win 10,000 dollars.  So I was looking pretty good until Scottie Reynolds busted my bracket.  In other words, Scottie you owe me 10 grand which I am sure you will have plenty of after making that shot against Pitt.  As for my team, they had one and only one mission.  My bracket to no ones surprise has me picking Carolina going all the way, and not to name names but he has also admitted to taking the Heels to the top.  This year's one shining moment is less than a week away and I will leave you with this.

Bottom Line:  UNC will take the title home.

For the guy who admitted to picking UNC, this is for you.

KylesBottomLine