Down for the Count

Unquestionably, one of the worst illnesses I ever had in my life came this winter when I came down with the flu.  The thought of not getting a flu shot made a lot of sense to a guy who is mortified by needles and I am sure I could be quoted by several people in saying, "I'll take my chances." 

I of course paid the price.  The smart thing to do is learn your lesson even though most of us thought by now flu season was over until the dreaded swine flu seized our attention and the fate of our society depended on the Who.  Okay, maybe it's the other WHO.  Either way, who can you really trust?  I have somewhat come down with another version of the flu and am back to square one and I want to announce first and foremost to my loyal cube readers out there that I will (mark this down or bookmark) get a flu shot next year.  The misery I have dealt with in having flu like symptoms has no doubt led me down this path where I fear I can make no excuses for.  In the mean time, I will continue to check every few hours to make sure I have not grown a squiggly tail or a snout.

These last few days have inspired me to not only be confined to a very limited space due to this illness, but to continually bug my friends in their spare time and having random conversations as usual.  I of course have made the effort to gather some awesome feedback in two specific areas of my life which I will paraphrase simply as follows: 1.  My love life should be followed by Whinnie the Pooh quotes and 2. How can I have training for work when no one understands what I do in the first place.  Let me address both issues.

Keep in mind these are not quotes coming from me these are from what claim to be credible sources so bare in mind as you gather your opinions.  I by no means claim to have things figured out when it comes to women nor should I.  I am a guy so really what do we know right ladies?  But taking it to the extreme of relating my ups and downs to a bear wandering around the forest looking for honey has just hit a new low in my terms.  I will leave the rest to our faithful readers to determine your thoughts on the matter.

As for the training, if you don't know what I do by now then obviously I have done my job.  Of course this was not the exact phrasing that was used when discussing this topic, but leaving this person guessing was the number one goal and I can easily say mission accomplished.  Lets face it, asking me what I do is like asking Jack Bauer to take a minute to debrief in the middle of a season in 24.  There just isn't enough time.

On other notes, I was originally scheduled to deliver the knockout run of my career tomorrow at the Bluestone 5k, but due to these unforeseen circumstances listed above I had to withdraw my name.  I realize Lance Armstrong survived cancer and won the tour 7 times, but it can easily be said this illness I continue to battle is much greater.  Lance's words not mine.

KylesBottomLine:  I'll be back (in Terminator voice)

This is usually where a YouTube video is placed, but thanks to their awesome website for not working I was forced to have no videos in this blog.  Please everyone take a moment and write and yell at them.  Thanks.

KylesBottomLine

Running Around in Circles

I just got back from DC and I think it is only right that I mention some random highlights before you lock the computer up for the weekend.  I won't bore you with a lot of the work details other than this useless fact of my trainer telling us he wants to become a comedian and showing us this video of himself.  Other than that, most of my adventures were lead by a GPS that must have been playing the song running around in circles which I must say I am sadly disappointed to not be able to find a YouTube video of (if you find it or put the video up let me know and I will add it here).  I have to laugh even at this offer knowing how forward we are on here and the likeliness (if that is even a word) is about the chances of Milton getting a piece of cake.  

Now some of you are well aware of my horror stories with a GPS unit as the one I currently use has me spending more time in cornfields and nonexistent roads than Sanjaya's haircuts.  Alright, I apologize for making you listen to him actually sing but you get my drift.  I always get lost and this time I decided to take my dad's GPS in hopes of not continuing my streak (which by the way my streak is not looking so hot).  DC is not a place for the lost driver and I have concluded that GPS units no matter what brand or version they are can only take you so far.  I did once I got done taking a right hand turn only to have to move 3 lanes over in rush hour traffic to make a quick left in 500 feet get to see some pretty neat museums and monuments.  At some point, check out my facebook page and I should have a couple of them up.

On one last note because well what happens in DC stays in DC (cool new bumper sticker I should get credit for), I mentioned in my last post about writing about something that recently occurred to me that I felt was a good, heartwarming story with potential.  Let's face it, I'm still not going to tell it, but whatever it is about the whole situation has been just driving me crazy.  I appreciate the comments, ideas, and thoughts but still no word and still no idea on what to do.

KylesBottomLine:  Everything happens for a reason, you just have to be willing to wait for things to play out.

Never trust your GPS.

KylesBottomLine

The Evils of the 'Net

A couple of weeks ago I came to a crossroads on whether or not to continue entertaining you with my useless information, horrific lies, and my unfunny humor.  This led me down a path of saying to myself whether I felt it necessary to write to the few of you who keep up with my shenanigans.  Just when I got to that point, I had one of you loyal fans comment on enjoying certain portions of it and within days I found out some of you actually do waste your time reading this and for that the show must go on!

It was brought to my attention however that some of you felt a little threatened and may need to make an anti-blog to mine.  I have to laugh to the thought of going this far to outdo my randomness, but if you really feel the need go right ahead.  For my faithful cubies who are unaware of this battle for the changing of the guard, but I will point out after they read a few of the entries these "gentlemen" have well-received my viewpoints.  Expect to see comments at the bottom in the future.  Just saying.  

I had two blogs in mind to write one was a rather particular incident that occurred last week which I will say may have trumped any experience I have had before including this one.  Normally, I would have no problem discussing any topic with my faithful readers, but after discussing it with my friend we determined for superstitious reasons (or maybe fear of backlash) it would not be wise to discuss.  Not saying I am superstitious because I am not really but I have no intentions of jinxing myself or changing my fortunes in any way.  Let's just say I am keeping an eye on the situation.  Still wondering what I am referring to, just ask me individually and I will tell you the gist.  

Unquestionably we live in a world that is constantly relying on the internet.  I for one am not a super huge fan, but let's face it, I work for a tech company and like it or not I better know what I am doing.  It's the way things are and we heavily rely on computers.  I for one can't say I am a wiz at computers, and am more likely to have this happen on a daily basis.  Not saying I screw up my TPS reports or anything, but I do the basics and that's all I am asked to do (remember I am a business minded guy).  Now I still do my streaking (no pun intended) because I want to win a million dollars (face it who doesn't), and I like the other millions of people have to check my facebook page multiple times a day.  Now I will be the first to admit that I have no explanation as to why I check it more than once because a) I never really update what I am doing very often b) unless you post something to me first, chances are I won't write on your wall (feel special if I do if it's not trash talk) and c) I don't use any applications besides posting pictures.  One might ask why don't you just make a myspace page or something instead and I honestly have no answer to that other than when myspace came out there were all the child pedifiers (spelling?) trying to chat with young children and yea I am not sure why.  Anyways, facebook is what I use and I apologize if I don't send you something for your garden or buy you a drink on there.  Not my style never will be.

I have mentioned before and I am to lazy to go find it to link but you can go back and read it that there are not many blogs I follow but I do follow Mark Titus' blog.   If you don't know who he is nor do you care he is this guy who never plays for Ohio State's basketball team and writes about life riding the pine.  Well, as of today which I must say had me laughing pretty hard was that Mr. Titus announced in a previous entry that he was entering the NBA draft as a joke.  If you follow his blog you know its a joke, but today I come to find out on his blog he was asked by the Athletic Director to take his name out because the NBA had called and told him he should not enter.  This is the first time I have ever heard of this and I will be honest most of the stuff he writes I find hard to believe.  Then this popped up, and I had to read it twice.  Until it appears on Yahoo news I don't find it factual.  Well this article did and now I believe it.  Say what you will, the NBA has lost all credibility with me because they now focus their attention on keeping guys who never play to declare for the draft than the other millions of problems they currently face.

Bottom Line:  If the benchwarmer wants to ride the pine on the next level, let him ride.

Like it or not he's in!

KylesBottomLine

The Sig

Do you ever find yourself sitting around and having random conversations with your friends?  This is a pretty consistent thing for our friends to do and most of the time the conversations end with us making fun of one another.  I recently had one of these topics of discussions with one of our die hard readers (all 3 of you), and needless to say this random conversation was no let down.  

Many of you have seen Slumdog Millionaire and if you haven't well get with it.  Pretty great movie and I am probably one of the biggest critics of movies considering my current Netflix Queue has over 175 movies to watch and I've rated about 300 roughly so far.  Big movie fan or to much time on my hands, you decide.  Anyways, for those of you who have seen Slumdog are very familiar with the infamous bathroom scene.  And if you aren't well you are now.  Pretty disgusting I know, but you have to admit it was crucial to the movie and probably one of my favorite scenes in a movie of all time besides well you know.  The bathroom scene led my friend and I into this random discussion about what would make you jump into a pile of crap for.  I of course said I could see money being involved and I am pretty sure I wouldn't do it for under a million.  And yes I am aware there are other things you would do for a million dollars.  

I of course look at this as an opportunity to put our diehard reader in a tough spot to corner him into saying he wouldn't jump in for his girlfriend just because.  He of course responds with 'depends on the circumstance' which just really opens the door for me to say just about anything.  I continue to pester him about the situation and he begins to get a little more detailed by saying, "if it were a life or death situation."  I of course don't buy that and throw out different scenarios  all of which he laughs and refuses to really respond  (my personal favorite was if she fell in and the crap was on fire).  

Now that I have him really uncomfortable and he proceeds to tell me another movie in which a bag of flaming crap was shot in a scene (which I can no longer remember therefore was not added), I decided I have punished him enough and would change the topic to the point of jumping in a pile of crap.  I guess you could say he proves he actually cares a lot for this one and since we aren't very sentimental on this blog, I will just say to his girlfriend to not fall because he won't actually save you despite what he says.  The point of all this is the boy was willing to sacrifice everything especially his smell for the next several months for an autograph.  We then began discussing what autographs we have among one another (my Federer autograph still trumps Coach K's hands down), but truly neither of us had any worth noting.  I then tried to point out people do crazy things and I would bet people would do something even crazier for an autograph from someone famous.

I know for example we used to tell the guy who worked in the bar that famous people would be coming the following day at the golf course and he would bring in memorabilia to have signed only to find that we just changed names around of someone not so famous.  I would like to open this up to try to finally get some conversation going with my readers to discuss funny moments or encounters we have had to get an autograph.  Many of us have done it don't lie.  Anyways, if you don't want to publicly post it, send it to kylesbottomline@yahoo.com and I will retell it and leave you unidentified.  Also, I want to get some new things going with the blog so I am adding a poll to try to get the website moving along.  Any other suggestions just let me know.

On one last side note, I keep hearing the phrase, "It's just the nature of the beast."  My man, Mark Titus said he is reinstating it, my boss has used it and XM radio keeps replaying an interview from Sheryl Crow repeating the line.  Someone please explain to me what that is and where the heck did it come from.

KylesBottomLine: If I could have one autograph, I would want it from Ron Livingston and it would have to simply say F'ing Eh.

Just sign the ball.

KylesBottomLine

Life after the B.B.'s and the Double D

It really is no secret that I am a huge Pittsburgh Pirates fan.  This comes to a surprise to many people who get to know me because let's face it, I was 9 the last time they had a winning season.  I was still coming into my own wearing my sweatsuit outfits (no embarrassing picture available) and going back and forth with my awesome pair of rec specs.  Besides trying to get out of elementary school, I concentrated on playing tee ball and trying to reenact plays from the Pirates games from the night before.

  Little did I know what I was watching would be my lasting memories of the Pirates having a winning season and making the postseason.  Led by a much smaller version of the first B.B. worth mentioning in a guy named Barry Bonds.  No question Mr. Bonds was quite the talent when he arrived in Pittsburgh and I will be the first to say I did not see the potential of him becoming the all-time leading home run leader.  But as history tells us, Barry Bonds would leave us, do a total transformation (make sure you compare the two pics), and our lead star was now another B.B. in Bobby Bonilla.  Not long after, Bobby B. hit the road and the Pirates organization failed to keep it together losing what was arguably one of our best pitchers in the last 20 years in Double D as well.  Not the Double D most of you are thinking (fan friendly website remember), but the other in Doug Drabek.  Not many ordinary guys can pull off the stache, but Doug Drabek was not what you call an ordinary guy.  

Most organizations usually bounce back from free agency, but the Pirates just like many of my favorite teams of the time (49ers post Joe Mo, and the Giants post LT) found a way to continually play what I guess you could call baseball and draft worse than the Detroit Lions of modern day.  This is truly an art to continue to be terrible and now that the Pirates share arguably the worst record in all of professional sports with none other than their hated rival Philadelphia Phillies.  I begin every spring watching opening day and hoping the curse of steroids in baseball will not haunt the minor league talented Pirates, but somehow I find myself finding other things to do by about the end of the May when the Pirates are officially out of the pennant race, and looking to trade anyone who might have any potential for cash considerations.  Just so the team owners stock can go up another quarter of a point (you know what I reference).  Will this be the year of the Pirates?  I'm not holding my breath.

As for what is going on with me because I know you are dying to know.  Well, I made the trifecta tour this weekend to Bucky, to Charleston, and back to Beckley in a 24 hour period.  I led the people I ate lunch with that I came all the way to Buckhannon to do two things and two things only.  To see the new Rite Aid and eat at the world famous CJ Maggies.  I was craving some mediocre food and that world famous super slow service.  Check and check.  Then I ventured down to the metropolis of Charleston to show off my Kevin James dance moves.  I definitely met my goal and I am sure those haunting pictures will follow with my name tagged on Facebook in the coming days.  Just another reason to love Facebook.  And speaking of websites, I have found a new website that I am becoming more infatuated with by the day.  Almost as much as I love my mentor on in Mark Titus, the website www.funnyordie.com.  If you haven't checked it out yet, you should.

Bottom Line: Could be the year the Pirates get over the hump.  Maybe.

Had a bad day?

KylesBottomLine

The Curse

For the avid sport's fan there were several things to look back on and reflect in the past two week's which are very exciting.  I of course come out of the woodworks to start following some of these sporting events such as the NBA for example because up to this point I pay absolutely no attention to what is going on other than the occasional Lebron James highlight reel.  Other than that I could not tell you hardly anything going on in the NBA because let's face it no one wants to watch Shaq go from doing this to doing this.  The playoffs are an entirely different story.  Another sport I begin to follow a little is hockey, but just like every other year I still couldn't tell you anything about hockey besides the Penguins have this guy named Sidney Crosby who I couldn't tell you what he looked like if he walked right past.  Now if it were Wayne Gretzky, I would say probably but either case I can't say I follow hockey any better than a SportsCenter Top 10 highlight.  Sorry, but it's just who I am.

I did claim in this post that March is my favorite because of the NCAA tournament and this year was absolutely no different.  Everyone wants to live for one shining moment and just as my brackets predicted along with what I preached all season long the tar heels pulled it out.  I don't want to brag because even though I finished second both on technicalities which I would prefer not go into further detail, but I never really had doubt that when it was all said and done UNC would be right in the mix.  I would like to address all of the bandwagon jumpers and those who tried to use the tar heels good fortune to profit for themselves you should at least suck it up and get yourselves one of these.  For the few individuals who I know will refuse to go this route at least do the right thing and email the me at kylesbottomline@yahoo.com and we will talk about my cut for promoting the tar heels year round and what would be a fair compensation for profiting off of my team.  It is only right so do the right thing.  

Another sporting event worth mentioning is the Masters.  For those of you who did not watch this live or have absolutely no knowledge of golf just take a few minutes to watch this and I promise you the next time you are flipping channels on a Sunday afternoon or wake up from your Sunday nap you should take a few minutes to watch Tiger Woods.  I know many people are not big fans of him, but unquestionably when the man plays golf, you will see something special.  I golf and I use to watch golf on a Sunday afternoon just to watch, but after Tiger came on tour, I am one of those many guilty fans who now only tune in when Tiger is in the hunt, and if not could care less about which white 20 something year old is trying to fight for second.  

One could argue that Tiger is the founder of the fist pump in sports, but I am still a strong believer that tennis has long been fist pumping and letting out a 'Come on!' long before T Woods was sinking putts.  We will save that conversation for another time.  I will point out I failed to let any fist pumps out this weekend from my golf trip to Pinehurst nor did I try to mimic this.

Some things are sacred and we should just leave it that way.  I will make an honorable mention to my new favorite course that I have played in Tobacco Road which you can check out at http://www.tobaccoroadgolf.com/.

KylesBottomLine:  A group in front of me had a hole in one and I had two shots within a foot of a hole in one myself.  Need I say more.

Why I watched golf before Tiger.

KylesBottomLine

Busted Brackets

I assume you are reading this still at this point you have either gotten so bored at work that you find yourself looking for any source of entertainment possible which means reading my blog or you tried leaving work early only to find your boss blocking the only exit of the building.  I bet it was the latter.  Anyways so here we are rambling about more nonsense.  I haven't been anywhere exciting since my last post and some who lost night after night of sleep tossing and turning knowing that Brittany Snow is no longer the love of my life.  Well I have great news!  I have gotten in touch with her and we are finally making plans to meet.  Oh come on, you walked right into that.  And it's April Fool's Day so I had to do some kind of prank.  

As for any other pranks, I failed to pull any off today.  Thought about it, but that takes effort just like updating my blog.  I blame most of my lack of updates due to lack of interesting things that have occurred in recent days.  The other part I blame is for my infatuation of the month of March and most importantly March Madness.  I enjoy this time not because the snow (no pun intended) begins to melt away, but because of moments like this.  I like millions of others fill out my brackets in hopes that I can cash out with a million dollars from websites like ESPN, but only to have my money go down the drain like a cinderella team.  Yet I continue to play each and every year hoping for that one shining moment.  

This year like so many others, I filled out my brackets and before this happened, I was tied on espn.com at 252.  Since I had already missed some other games, I would be unable to win a million dollars, but if I were to somehow win with my bracket on espn.com I could still win 10,000 dollars.  So I was looking pretty good until Scottie Reynolds busted my bracket.  In other words, Scottie you owe me 10 grand which I am sure you will have plenty of after making that shot against Pitt.  As for my team, they had one and only one mission.  My bracket to no ones surprise has me picking Carolina going all the way, and not to name names but he has also admitted to taking the Heels to the top.  This year's one shining moment is less than a week away and I will leave you with this.

Bottom Line:  UNC will take the title home.

For the guy who admitted to picking UNC, this is for you.

KylesBottomLine

Hola Amigos

Long overdue and slacking on my blog.  My apologies.  To make it up, I will share several stories worth mentioning to give some cube entertainment.  I know most of you are wondering did I fulfill what I proclaimed from before on my recent trip to Mexico.  Now I have no intention on bragging about the 80 degree weather and it being sunny or the multiple melting cakes I downed at dinner every night.  But you may also have noticed I did accomplish one thing.  Not one or two tacos, but six tacos in one setting along with a nachos which I must admit was amazing.  I however failed two achieve my other two goals.  Riding the bull was not an option in Cozumel and the little time I did spend in Tampa I failed to see you know who.  So due to the fact that she is obviously playing hard to get running around in public with this other fella and ditched me on her birthday when I obviously came just for her, I am officially going to have to say that Brittany and I are no longer together.  Yes ladies, I am officially available.  I guess you could say my heart will go on.

I should set the record straight that I did not stand on the edge of the boat and recreate the infamous scene in Titanic, and seeing the only version of this scene is in Italian I will not make you suffer after clicking on a link that included Celine Dion in my blog.  I should note I did attend karaoke on two different occasions which included some of the most horrific examples of why the average joe should not stand up and let it all out.  For your information, everyone I met who worked on the ship was named Joseph (ex. waiter, guy in charge of dining hall, person who cleaned my room).  One example worth noting from the karaoke 'experience' included a woman who was celebrating her 90th birthday on the cruise and got to celebrate by her grandson standing up and dedicating this song to her.  I would like to say I am making this up, but sadly it is true.  While we are on bad choices of songs, I was overwhelmed by the amount of these songs that I never want to hear again.  If you are still reading this after clicking on all of those, I applaud you because personally I think after the first couple I would have deleted this blog out of my favorites.

For the troopers who have stuck it out, I should mention my experience at the airport.  It is only right to use the time to appropriately describe this experience.

3:15 I arrive in Dulles.

3:35 I look to see and find out my plane to Charleston is delayed from 535 to 640.

6:30 The man who I presume is from India announces that the plane to Charlie West will begin to board in approximately 5 minutes.

6:32 The pilot who is supposed to being taking us has disappeared.  Second call for the flight to Charlie West.

6:55 Pilot is found.

6:56 Ticket lady announces she will begin taking tickets to Charlie West in a few minutes.

6:57 The man beside me says I really don't know who Charlie West is, but I hope he is not flying the plane. (Bad joke I know)

7:00 We now begin moving towards boarding, and the man from India announces we boarding to Charlie West.

7:01 I am thankful that the man from India is also not flying the plane.

7:13 The co-pilot is now missing.

7:18 The co-pilot returns and the stewardess tries to tell a joke to a hostile group of irritated passengers.

7:19 A man does not enjoy the joke and let's her know he doesn't approve.

7:26 We start moving toward the runway.

7:28 Sitting on the runway our left engine goes out and I say to myself please just let me off this plane.

7:31 The pilot comes on and says we have forgotten to fill out the paperwork to take off and are awaiting confirmation to leave.

7:50ish We finally leave for Charlie West.

One last thing I want to note which actually occurred this evening.  My neighbors across the street have only one way in and out of their apartments and the parking lot does not have two exit points like mine.  This usually isn't a problem for most, but some of the residents have taken it upon themselves to take their vehicles and make the grass a second exit.  With the rain this evening (I'm sure you see where I am going with this), one neighbor who actually was tailing me decided to take the shortcut in her brand spanking new BMW only to slide out of control and get it stuck between a bush and the mud.  Being the good samaritan that I am, I parked my vehicle at my house and leaned towards going to help her get out.  In the mean time, she was driving the car in reverse making matters worse leading me to say you get what you deserve.  I change my tune and enter my house.

Bottomline:  You get what you deserve.  Stick to the pavement or you will just end up stuck.

Found this cool video similar to my experience in Mexico.

KylesBottomLine

Cruisin' to the Border

My much anticipated trip to Mexico is only a few days away and needless to say I am definitely looking forward to getting back into the 80 degree weather.  Now depending on what your interests are there are many things to do and see in Mexico.  I thought the least I could do is to point out my top three things I hope to get to do, see, or eat while I am there.

First and foremost, I plan on eating every taco south of the border.  With every opportunity, I hope to just sit down and destroy every taco in sight.  This may be difficult to some, but if Kobayshi can do his thing then so can I.  The next big thing I plan on doing is meeting the biggest celebrity in all of Mexico.  Not exactly sure how this may occur, but if the opportunity arises I will snag a photo op with a national superstar.  Now the third one is a little tricky because I could attempt to find an esposa, but that wouldn't be fair seeing my intentions are still on the mainland before casting off.  This is also a predicament now that another certain someone is now available, but let's face it I am a loyal guy and I have no intentions on changing that.  Instead I would like to do what most can only dream about.  

These are the top three, but if worse comes to worse I guess I will have to put on one of these.  Hopefully, it does not come to this, but one never knows.  As for the cruise itself, I only plan on doing this and this.  Besides chasing my dream girl around Tampa and waiting to do nothing for about 4 days I do have one other plan that I might try to squeeze in.  Supposedly the Yankees are in town, and despite having no interest in them besides the fact I just like professional baseball, I might try to see if I can see some spring training and get to boo the A Roid.  Whether any of this actually occurs on my trip only time will tell.

Bottom line: A much needed vacation is always a good thing.

Like I would forget.

KylesBottomLine

Dinner for Five Part III

Big moments is what I am all about.  I consider this the 4th quarter or home stretch with the end in sight.  Of course there were many choices on who should be joining me at the final table and no sorry it won't be including Mike 'The Mouth' Matusow.  I have thought long and hard about this (maybe ten minutes really) and thought it only be right to have my last supper with four sports stars.  Now these are not your typical sports stars because let's face it, we won't play golf like Tiger or hit a homer in PNC park.  Not saying the Pirates do either, but we are looking at the big picture so try and focus.

There are many movies where entertainers have gotten to shine, but only four really stood out in my mind.  I will first give the honorable mentions.  Rudy's star Sean Astin would easily be invited if it weren't for one major problem.  Now I know I will get heckled for this seeing Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn are the masterminds behind Dinner for Five, but let's face it, South Bend is South Bend and Notre Dame is not part of any vocabulary of anyone who is a true West Virginia fan.  Argue that if you want because that is how I feel.  Another one who deserves mention is Charlie Sheen as 'Wild Thing' which would normally deserve a chair except for being mentioned in a previous blog which I guess eliminates him.  Of course to even my own surprise Matt Damon has not received mention since he is in about every movie imaginable, but his role as Bagger Vance was not enough to snag him a seat.  I did however chose to pick Kevin Costner for two reasons: Field of Dreams and Tin Cup.  Take your pick really, but Costner has every man who plays golf trying the ol' tin cup now and again and let's face it 'If you build it they will come'.

Since we are on the golf theme this man needs absolutely no introduction.  He has hooked up with some of the finest ladies in Hollywood when you look like this.  Call him what you want, Happy Gilmore has established himself for taking down 'Shooter' McGavin and telling Bob Barker that the price is wrong.  This was really the beginning of people taking large divots out of the ground trying to hit the long ball.  But I think the one interesting fact about Mr. Sandler that I would have to ask is how it was hooking up with Pete Sampras's wife in Billy Madison.  Sorry Pete, but you got sloppy seconds from this guy.  

Not like any of my picks need any real introduction and MJ is no exception.  If arguably the world's greatest basketball player is willing to team up with Bugs Bunny and travel to Moron Mountain to battle the Mon Stars then he deserves a chair nonetheless.  Six championships not enough for you?  Well, he is one of the greatest players ever to wear a Tar Heel uniform and anyone who wears there UNC college shorts under their pro jersey, well yea enough said.

Last and by no means least was the reason why I would ever consider boxing.  'Yo, Adrien' play some Eye of the Tiger.  Anyone who can take down Apollo Creed, Mr. T, and the Russian.  If Sylvester Stallone wants to step in the ring with any of those guys more power to him.  Rocky is really the only reason I can think of anyone would ever want to trade blows with boxing gloves, and I can't imagine listening to workout music without having something playing from a Rocky soundtrack.  If you don't get pumped up from one of these songs obviously something is wrong with you.  All four men have earned their rightful spot and I thought I would end the series on a high note.

Not often do I make mistakes (seeing I am as close to Perfect as the man himself), but when you make a mistake you have to man up to it.  Well, I made a mistake.  I previously laughed to myself when I made reference to waiting on top of the Empire State Building hoping to run into my valentine Brittany Snow.  I laughed because I thought really who goes to New York for Valentine's Day and even though a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan reunion would be nice I thought the idea was a little silly.  Instead, I learned today that Brittany Snow was in New York over Valentine's Day.  For some reason, my gut told me I would eat my words and well I was right.  I am sure she was having dinner with a view of the Empire State Building and said, "Ryan Rottman, I've got to go."  Yup her words not mine.  Of course I was a no show and she was forced to go back to him in the mean time.  Good news is in about a week Brittany I will be in your hometown of Tampa and I promise not to leave you hanging again.  I would say have your people call my people, but they might as well call me because I have no people.  Don't forget though, I will be in town, lose that other guy and let's hang out.

And as mentioned before, I know the blog needs updated so if anyone has any suggestions or knows how to do any cool things to it let me know. 

I couldn't help myself.

KylesBottomLine

King of the Land

It's almost official.  The best job in the world in Queensland will not be graced with my amazing skills not to mention my creative story blogs that I grace my fellow cubies with week by week.  Since islandreefjob.com makes their website so easy to navigate through, and multiple application attempts on my part, I have officially given up.  I keep waiting for the box to come up PC load letter error to appear, but it is yet to happen.  Instead I am greeted with file sizes to small and photos that do not meet the criteria of whatever server the company is using that I am trying to download to.  My response to all of this is nothing is worth three attempts with no guarantees.  A lame response I know, but as we get closer to the deadline it is probably safe to say the site is only become more overwhelmed.  I guess it's back to square one on my future trip to Australia and will have to come out of pocket.

To add insult to injury, I got another lovely text message by my phone service provider asking me to upgrade.  Now usually when something wants you to upgrade it is supposed to make things better.  It could not have come at worse timing because I needed to make a phone call and every time I hit ignore it would pop back up in a new screen.  I am sure most of you can relate.  So I think to myself how long can this possibly take?  25 minutes later and several downloads, I felt like I was trying to shut my computer down like Mr. Gibbons on a Friday afternoon.  Then after much agony, I got my update which changed absolutely nothing that I already had except for probably the latest version of 7.2.3 instead of 7.2.2.

On one last note, the other day I made my weekly trip to the supermarket.  I have finally come to the conclusion that no matter what I do or what I think I am doomed to get the most defective shopping cart available.  Some of you I am sure can feel my pain unless you just refuse to do the shopping which I understand why you would.  Who wants to be the one pushing the cart around drawing tons of attention with the squeeky wheels or the bad wheel that when you make a turn could randomly knock you into another cart or a local shelf.  This seems to happen to me more times than not and even though my pregame ritual of standing and doing a practice push sometimes does not prepare me for the adventure I am about to endure.  I am hoping that my local market will upgrade to a more advanced shopping cart so if it is inevitable for me to run into something, I can at least strike terror into my fellow shoppers instead of getting dirty looks as I do my 5 minute weekly shopping.  

Bottom line:  Don't expect to be looking for me reenacting Survivor Man chasing down kangaroos yelling 'Crikey' any time soon.

Free time not well used.

KylesBottomLine

Dinner for Five Part II

In the spirit of President's Day, I thought it to only be fitting to make the second part of my three part series of Presidents sitting at my table.  I think my fellow cubemates have a better understanding of how this works from the last time.  It is pretty safe to say I would be willing to light a stogie with Vince and Jon despite not ever having any desire to smoke, and if I could only have dinner for two I think I made it pretty obvious who that special someone would be.

Many of you are probably thinking (now that I actually know people read the blog!) great he is going to make us sit here and read about guys who ran the country hundreds of years ago.  Sorry guys and gals not going to be the case.  These people however are rulers of the U.S. at some point in time through the Hollywood scene.  The first and probably one of the best presidents of all time was Chris Rock in Head of State.  Mainly known for his stand up comedy, Chris Rock would definitely be an entertaining character and presidential figure to wine and dine with.  Of course with the way things are right now, Chris would only have one thing to say, "That ain't right!."  

Next would be the man we know as Indiana Jones.  I am pretty sure Harrison Ford needs no introduction and listing his many accomplishments would take more time than I care to write.  I know ladies eat your heart out, but I think after watching Air Force One and seeing what Harrison does to the terrorists, that will be the last time they mess with our country.  Pretty sure our country wouldn't be fighting terrorism today if copies of Air Force One were sent to the Mideast and Harrison Ford took the realm.  Sitting next to Mr. Ford would be none other than Michael Douglas.  Just about every man was scared (insert choice word here) when Fatal Attraction came out in theaters, but eight years later and many hits later he gave us another blockbuster hit in The American President.  Michael Douglas has done both entertained and frightened us with his movies which are all very important in my book on being an American President.  He also deserves a place at my table because of the movie with Wall Street because I know we would not be in this crisis if he were sitting in the Oval Office.  Also, this would free up a Cabinet position for Charlie Sheen and we know what a smart guy he truly is.  

The last and definitely not least of Presidents sitting at my table would be the Governator Arnold.  Yes, I am well aware he never actually played as a President in a movie nor is he able to actually run for President in real life, but lets face it, he would if he could.  Really the only reason I would want him to sit at the table is because I used to love to do quotes from Kindergarten Cop.  I am pretty sure Chris Rock would keep repeating, 'It's not a tumor' and I would keep saying, 'Get out of the building.'  Not sure if we could actually get these four gentlemen together seeing the Governator is currently trying to secure the budget by taking pennies from the tray for everyone.

On another note, I have decided that I will not implore the cube nation to take action against Brittany's current boyfriend despite my lack of enthusiasm for her current facebook status.  I have been trying to think of several ways for this "meeting" so to speak between us to occur, but due to lack of knowledge of her current whereabouts I don't want to lead my readers to believe to take vengeance against Mr. Rottman for us to be together.  However, I have come up with a solution for those who really are looking for something to do besides update your facebook status every hour.  I know our potential meeting could occur on March 4th in Tampa. Despite my own lack of things to do, I have concluded a potential prank/late Valentine's Day gift to yours truly would be to join every facebook group with Brittany's name on it and telling her about why we are meant to be.  A little cliche, but I promise to my loyal readers if we can persuade a rendezvous in Tampa, I will not only post all pictures, but beg and plead that she do a guest blog.  This is a long shot, but one can hope anyways.  I did want to mention as well being the slacker that I am with this blog, but if you have any cool videos, links, or discussion topics you would like me to discuss on here you can email me at KylesBottomLine@yahoo.com.  I make no promises of anything being posted, but if your information is selected I will give you a shout out as well.  And if anyone has a better counter or can make banners, let me know so we can make the blog look a little more 21st Century.

Bottom Line: Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

Our dad is a real sex machine.

KylesBottomLine

Snow- Valentine

I hope my title doesn't confuse anyone because my intentions are definitely not for it to snow.  Anyone that knows me knows the last thing I want is another cold day with snowflake precipitation on the ground.  Today is a very unique and special day and because of that I am going to break some of the golden rules which were originally put into place.  Every woman looks forward to this day and just about every male is out scrambling around trying to find that perfect gift.  Now for the typical male that does not remember what today is, I will remind you, Valentine's Day.  Shock and awe I know, and if you completely forgot I highly suggest running to the local drugstore and picking up that last box of chocolates or ordering some flowers.  In honor of this special day, I myself have decided since I don't actually have a Valentine (girls eat your heart out), but if I did this is who it would be.  There are definitely a lot of pictures to chose from, but I think hands down Brittany Snow would be my choice.  Now I am looking to make this entry like a shrine of Brittany, but I do want to take a moment in honor of Valentine's Day to explain why she is my choice.  

For those of you looking to try and google Brittany Snow you might be surprised to find her hair is now brown and that she is actually dating someone else.  Ugh.  Well maybe not officially in public Hollywood, but I've done my homework and well sorry Mr. Rottman you are not getting the glory of getting a link in my blog to yourself(mind you I still make the rules here).  Anyways, besides her beauty and being what I call a perfect traditional age to mine of 22 soon to be 23, she and I compliment each other well.  She runs about every day which of course I do as well.  She hates math and claims she isn't very good with money, and well I am very good with both.  She is very private about her life outside of work which other than this blog I am am pretty tight lipped as well.  I think that was one of the things that I first really began to admire her for seeing she is a Hollywood celebrity I can only imagine how difficult it must be to keep your private life.  I can think of another Brittany who should be taking notes.  Another thing and I believe this was probably what really caught my eye was her talent for using her feet as hands and being able to pick up things with them.  Oddly enough, I was notoriously known for trying to use my feet to pick up things and occasionally still use this skill under drastic moments.  These are just a few things that drew myself to her, and well the more I learn the more I realize there could be no other choice.

With the realization that I look nothing like Hugh Grant nor having a British accent, I find my chances of pulling off another version of Notting Hill seems highly unlikely.  I did find it appropriate that it was aired today in my honor that one day she will walk into my life and realize what she has been missing.  One can dream I suppose.  Now another scenario would be for me to write her a letter and then go wait on top of the Empire State Building, but due to lack of funding and chances of this are higher for me to win the lottery that I don't play, I decided against it.  I do find myself pondering if people who have watched Sleepless in Seattle really do live out the movie and wait each year on the top.  I should also point out Brittany Snow loves Meg Ryan and I of course enjoy her acting as well.  I however have come up with a solution for our problem of not meeting yet.  I will be in Tampa in a few weeks which of course is her hometown and will be there off and on until her birthday.  Yes, I really have done my homework on this, and to add to my sappy post Valentine's Day plan I will end my entry by leaving you with one of the cheesiest lines of all time.  From the movie the Wedding Date, "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met."

Bottom line: Enjoy the time with the one you love and if you don't have one, dream of the one you want to be with.

Excuse to play Tony Rich Project music videos.

KylesBottomLine

Dinner for Five Part I

Now that you have taken a break from filling out your TPS report or setting a new career high on Tetris, you find yourself reading about my nonsense.  I will be the first to admit I am still getting acquainted with the blogging world, and due to the lack of exciting things that occur in my life, I have also been a major slacker in keeping up with my posts.  To make it up to my loyal cube mates and the other few of you who got tired of updating your Facebook 'What are you doing" status.  I promise that these will become more entertaining in the next few posts and I wanted to start off with one of the most under appreciated TV series that you never heard of since 3South.  

The idea of the show created by Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn who you may be more familiar with them in movies like Swingers or the Breakup to name a few.  If you are scratching your head saying you hated the Breakup and the ending which I will be the first to admit, it was hard to watch is one thing, but if you are sitting there thinking the other term for a swinger and not the Vince Vaughn movie then you really are killing me right now.  Anyways, I have decided to make this into three parts because I absolutely could not narrow it down to just having dinner with just four other people.  Dinner for Five was a television series starring Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau where they would sit down with their friends and other famous faces talking about movies they have done and other interesting things about themselves while having dinner.  

The series obviously did not continue on for a long period of time, but anyone who wants to really see another side of a celebrity will really appreciate this unique series of comic television.  For those who have a real interest in this and a Netflix subscription, I highly recommend taking the time to watching some of the clips.  I will give you one example, and if you just want a taste, have a Netflix subscription, and a Xbox 360 you can watch a remake made several years later with the infamous 'you will shoot your eye out' kid, Justin Long or better known as the Mac guy and the kid who gets repeatedly drilled in the movie Dodgeball, and the brother, Keir O'Donnell,who has a crazy obsession with Vince in Wedding Crashers.

I of course am going to steal this idea and create my own.  The first series is if I could have dinner with four other entertainers who would they be.  I really did not need to take much thought to make this list truly.  First and foremost, would be Vince Vaughn.  Like he really needs an introduction and unless you haven't seen a comic movie in the last ten years, then I am sure you have seen something of his.  Vince is notoriously known to steal the show when up on the big screen and I can't think of anyone better to be at my table.  To go along with that late statement, it is only right and deserving to have Jon Favreau join the table as well because without him would just not feel right.  Now some may have seen the movie Rudy and remember the guy who helps Rudy study to get into Notre Dame.  Now I won't fault you for not recognizing Vince Vaughn in this movie either, but this was their first big break.  Now Jon has moved on to bigger and better things and maybe you saw his latest movie, and if you haven't well you really should.  Jon now does a lot more producing than being so money as characters in his movies, but it is safe to say the creator of Dinner for Five has earned his seat at my table.

The two other entertainers that have definitely earned a seat at my table have stood out since the first time I was entertained by their humor.  Maybe you saw the movie 40 year old virgin and cringed at the wax scene.  I started to link this part, but after watching it, I think the image will continue to haunt any man fearing the same fate is painful enough.  Steve Carell is probably better know as the great Michael Scott at Dundler Mifflin, but his big break definitely was from being the 40 year old sales guy who just somehow fell through the cracks.  Steve's sense of humor is a lot like my own, dry and not always stand out funny like Vince's, but you can't watch one of his movies and not laugh at some point.  He is one of my favorite up and coming actors and comedians and I definitely would love to add him to the dinner table.  The last and by no means is Jay Leno.  This man needs absolutely no introduction and I listen to his highlights every morning from my cube without a window.  The Tonight Show definitely is a great show and I look forward to it coming on at 10 so I can actually catch them live.  This would probably the best meal I would ever have if these gentlemen would sit and have a meal.  I am sure I would go as far to say I really wouldn't care what they would serve.  Now, as you sit and your cube and continue to space off waiting for the end of the day or your boss to leave so you can sneak out, I challenge each and every one of you to begin thinking who would you want sitting at your dinner table.  To be continued...

Bottom line: I will leave you with probably the greatest video game scene in a movie ever. ( I apologize for the language) Enjoy!

For Super Fan #99

KylesBottomLine

All Natural

There are a few things every boy should get the opportunity to learn from their fathers.  I realize not everyone is lucky enough to share these moments and learn these things, but for point of entertainment we will reference things your dad can teach you and things dad 'should have mentioned'.  Every boy should get to play toss with their dad.  Learn how to catch a fish.  And of course learn how to be a man.  These are of course traditions every boy wants to pass along, but I think somewhere along the line there are things that are failed to be mentioned.

One of the biggest things your dad probably will not teach you is how to avoid getting sucker punched.  Maybe you talk to the wrong girl or say the wrong thing in a crowd and the next thing you know is you are lying on the ground looking up at the sky.  Your father may tell you about the birds and the bees, but many times they forget to really explain women to you.  Now I do not want to get into this in great detail due to our women viewers, but let us just say there is no manuals that come with women.  But the one I have recently been reintroduced to that most dads won't dare talk about is guy code in the locker room.

There really is no secret getting a group of guys in a locker room is a recipe for trouble.  You walk into a locker room and the last thing a guy will do is start small talk about a hottie in the gym or discuss local politics with a stranger.  This nonetheless will not occur with a man that has jumped out of the shower and parades themselves around the rest of the locker room.  This is a definite man law.  I have a few pet peeves, but seeing a man (all of a man) walk around in a locker room is just unnecessary.  Not saying all men do this so ladies don't start breaking into men locker rooms with your hopes up, but the last thing you want to see is someone who could be your grandfather show you the whole shebang.  To make matters worse in my case is there are multiple old men parading around showing things that absolutely no one wants to see.  Maybe it is because there wife of fifty years says take it somewhere else or they decided that the locker room is there nude room.  Either way dad just can't prepare you for this.  To make matters worse, my local gym has decided to implement a change your shoes rule which I am more than fine with, but every time I go in to the locker room I don't want to make eye contact with anyone and you sure as heck don't want to look down.  This is a problem I will have to get back to my cubies on because there is not a simple solution.  

On another note, the Super Bowl is tomorrow and it seems like everyone is making predictions.  Yes, the Steelers have a chance to become the first NFL franchise to win six Super Bowls, but instead of me jumping on the bandwagon of making a prediction.  Instead, I will give you my prediction on an even bigger event going on which could make history.  Nadal/Federer for the 2009 Australian Open.  Most of you are scratching your head going what is bigger than the Super Bowl and those awesome commercials, but this year the Australian Open could make history.  How you ask?  Federer could tie the all-time record of Pete Sampras by defeating Nadal which is actually an incredible feat.  Stringing together seven wins in a major tournament is very difficult to do, especially beating the best athletes in the world in your sport to do so.  

Bottom line:  Federer ties one of the most difficult records in all of sports at the Aussie Open.

The greatest movie of all time.

KylesBottomLine

Rastlin'

Recently, I joined the world of Netflix.  For those who aren't aware of what Netflix is all about or were like me thinking it were some great scam it actually is a pretty simple and easy way to catch up on the movies you have meaning to watch, but would rather wait until your local network puts it on for you years later for free.  I will be the first to say I have been missing out and I have really done nothing but watch movies during my free trial period.  With this being said, I got the bright idea to rent an old series of wrestling movies from the late 80's and early 90's to be thoroughly entertained like many of us in our 20's and 30's were at the time.  Now if you were growing up anywhere in the United States during this time period as a kid, I am pretty sure you were dialed in to seeing the Macho Man snap into a slim jim or being a part of Hulkamania.  Of course as a kid it seems that these men are larger than life and in some cases this may be true, but when I received my first video I began to just laugh and laugh.  

Now, I looked and looked for a video of the match of Rick Rude and Ricky Steamboat in the 1988 Royal Rumble, but for purposes besides the match itself.  The lady in the front row has a megaphone for the first few minutes screaming at every chance she got for Steamboat to "rip his arm off."  This wouldn't be so funny normally, but when she is wearing one of the hats that has clapping hands on it and once again to disappointment to my fellow cubies, there were no images available.  I guess you will have to use your imagination.  I was got to live every kids dream and got to go to two live wrestling events, but thankfully there were no stipulations of me having to grow a mullet or put on face paint.  Those images could have haunted me still today.

I write about this because I want people to realize when you see two 20 or 30 something old guys trying to apply the sleeper hold or my personal favorite the razor's edge.  I am pretty sure the first time I tried this on one of my friends which I think may have been in a pool, I thought I broke his neck, but I think I just stunned him long enough to put a finishing move on him.  Don't act like you haven't tried one because I am pretty sure at some point during this time period you did some wrestling move to one of your friends.  It is a shame my one friend hasn't kept track of how many stunners he has given, but I am sure it is in the thousands.  My point is with all of this why has wrestling gone downhill?  I blame it mainly on the lack interest with the uncreative names that are being used today, but most importantly the involvement with steroids.  

Sadly, wrestling has been tagged with steroids because of a few such as Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero to name a few.  Instead of George Mitchell spending time investigating baseball players like Barry Bonds, we could have our government dollars spent more wisely on keeping professional wrestling in the spotlight.  I am well aware this may not seem like a compelling argument, but think about it for a second.  What little kid was watching Mark McGwire get juiced on a Monday night and what kid was watching Monday Night Raw (if your parents would let you stay up that late).  Obviously, our government dollar was not going to be spent on fixing our economy and you cannot say that wrestling did not have its popularity because look at "The Body."  

Bottom line: Stop the roid rage.

Undertaker Intro

Big Head and Big Arms

For those of you who paid attention in your junior high history class, you may have learned there are fifty different states in the United States.  Shocking to some, but being a 'lifer' from West Virginia, one would be a surprised how many times people have to be corrected that you are not from the western part of Virginia.  Puzzling to many how this may have occurred, but the state has been around since 1863.  I lived the majority of my life in northern West Virginia, but in the past year have resided in southern West Virginia.  To paint a picture for those not familiar or still scratching their head wondering why I keep discussing Virginia, when you have been driving on a road and said you feel like you are going to drive off the end of the earth that is where i live.  I would place a googlemaps link, but all you would see are trees.  Describing where I work is going to the end of the earth, falling off, and keep going.  If any of you have ever driven on Route 3, I give you props, and for those who have not, save a trip to the theme park and do a road trip in the winter time down Route 3.

Now, it is only right that we lay down the ground rules for this blog.  There really are no rules other than I have the last word, and this is a PG13 site.  For those of you who would like to leave inappropriate comments or videos, I suggest looking elsewhere because I am here to entertain and make you raise your eyebrows.  Also, I should note that names will not be used unless you do something worthy of taking abuse from the cubicle nation.  With that out of the way, let us get down to business.

I could bore you with the same old story, but once again it is all about entertainment and raising eyebrows.  Recently, I busted out my Nintendo 64 which I must say is the best system of all time due to probably the best game of all time James Bond Goldeneye.  Now I grew up on the original Atari (which of course I still have) and the original Nintendo and have played and/or owned every system since, but lets face it, Goldeneye changed the way gamers play video games.  For all of you who play first player shooting games, you can give your props to Rare.  Of course there are the few of you out there that have absolutely no idea what in the world I am talking about, but those of you who know what I am referring to know you have hidden in the ceiling in the bathroom to secure a win more than once.  You may also have played countless hours to unlock the big head and big arms.  Now, if you made it this far and weren't turned away by the title, you definitely are nodding your head saying I spent most of my late 90's or may have changed your major after spending an entire semester on the multiplayer which of course will remain nameless.  Either way, video games have come a long way since then and for my older fans, your kids ask you to get them the newest PS3 for Christmas and by the end it looks like this.   We have come a long way from Pong to some of the most popular game titles of today.

Bottom line: Bring back the big head and big arms.

James Bond Goldeneye

KylesBottomLine